Introductions with a toddler and Intro books

Intro books with a 4 month old? Bit pointless really, as she won't have a clue. Just some laminated photo's of yourselves,little Bee, your house, dog, cat or whatever so that FC can point you out and say who you are. Or maybe the talking Tomy might work as she could get used to your voices?

The muslins are a great idea and maybe Little Bee could give Baby Bee a special cuddly toy.

I'm sure someone like Chotimonkey will be along later as she did intro's very recently with her 2 and 3 year old in tow.

If you do a search on Choti's intros there are lots of tips in there on what worked for her and if you have a co-operative Granny, why not bring her along so she can baby sit LBee and keep her entertained to allow you to focus on Baby Bee.

All the into threads, including Choti's are on the "Approved Adopters Board", well worth reading through as well as the pinned "Intro's and Beyond" Threads at the top of the board.

Oh, and Congratulations, you are going to be kept busy! 

Thanks Moo!
Will try and do an intro diary but am not very good at writing!

LB x

Hi little bee... Congrats on your teeny tiny little one!! How exciting for you all...

I have done intros for an 8 month old howler with squirrel at about 22 months having been home 5 months (intros 5 days)
And intros for 10 month old george with squirrel at just over 3 and howler nearly two(3 days) if you want to on me please do... In always happy to talk intros and beyond!

For george we didn't bother with talking book or album,.. We did him the galt house family book, and got him some Teddy's from the girls with pics on them that went in his cot, we had contact with him so it was slightly different as he is full sib. We gave gro bags, blankets etc... We didn't go wild on replicating every smell the FC had as we thought he would transition using all his stuff from FC clothes Muslins etc and they'd move into our smell and we didn't want to change everything for our dds. What was effective was FC and I sent a lot of v small video clips and photos back and forth to each other... George got to see and hear is in tiny bursts little and often instead of a DVD and it creAted an ongoing link for the girls as they would talk to him and respond to what FC said about him... Also helped FC and I get to know each other and build up a mutual like for each other abd commitment to being kind to each other over intros and staying in touch beyond.
We did find out about food and routine milk temp and bottle teats... They can be quite different and the milk is such an important part of building trust that we wanted to get it right

We made any changes to the house quite a way in advance so two older dds weren't thrown off by sudden change... We had v old topsy and Tim book where they adopt a baby boy, lots of stuff about visits from health visitors and sw do quite relevant. We left all stuff like starting nursery/ potty training/ giving up dummies/ big girl beds/ chairs etc till after they were
Also let them go back to bottles and baby blankets when they saw baby... I don't know how old your toddler is, but dd1 was just under 3 at Los placement and she was really using his adoption to process and understand her own.
During intros we were out of borough in an apartment, we took my mum and dad both times and it was soo helpful. They did all the practical stuff like shopping and cooking and were around to lavish attention on dds.

With both sets of intros we decided it was more important that the new baby met one constant figure than switching back and forth with dh, so I was with new lo abd FC most if the time and dh came over with dds and took them back again. This worked well and although initial attachments have been with me, they have been extended to dh without any obvious adverse affects, in both cases Los were used to a main female FC with dh that came home in the eve so it made sense to the Los.

At FC, FC had loads of new toys and tbh dds were more interested in them than lo... We didn't force any of our and to interact with new sibs, we have let it happen slowly... Babies can be quite boring for toddlers because they don't do v much, dd1 had little to no interest in dd2till she started walking Nd talking when she suddenly became much more fun, now they are good friends as well as sisters.

One good thing about two children is there is still one parent each! So it is fairly easy to meet the needs of both when there are two adults there.. With friends and family when they visited we funnelled by keeping lo in a sling and letting extended family comr and fuss over older dds

Sling also v good for keeping lo close and still being able to be hands free for a toddler to do playdough hand holding etc

We found that dds were very good during intros and early weeks of placement.. It was a couple of weeks in when they realised it was a permanent change that they wobbled... We had a couple of tricky months were we had to keep them v tightly within daily routine and normal activities as they were really struggling with unstructured time (whereas as normally and now they will play quite independently or with each other)

It was emotionally harder for me going from 1-2 then from 2-3 as I had to learn v quickly how to split my love and attention and love two different children in the different ways they needed to be loved without it seeming unfair, by three I was more used to the split.

Sorry this is v random...a bit if a random stream of conscious but we have just got back from hols and my brain is fried... Please pm me if you have any qu
Lots of luck at this exciting time

I agree with Chotimonkey - if FC have toys for a 4 month old they'll have them for a toddler.

Don't be surprised if toddler needs a bit more attention than usual - when I've had siblings along I firstly try to keep it to just a day at my house (new sib,ing and new surroundings is often simply too much for a little one to comprehend) and also encourage parents to work one parent to one child. Remember to have some special time alone with toddler at the end of each day.

I personally find big (A4) laminated photos much more useful than the photo albums. I used to be a fan of the Tomy albums but now think they're a bit overpriced and cumbersome. I've seen some much better homemade scarp books which just allow so much more personality to come through, and hold lots more photos. For a 4 month old though I'd only do one if you want to keep it for a memory box. Muslim cloths sound great though - for smell and texture.

 have done one lot of intros with a toddler and baby and about to do another.  not sure how many fc's would be willing to do it but I made a 'family' book for the toddler from the baby to introduce her to him a little bit and have done the same for sibs of squishy munchkin, to be shared post matching panel like the family book for the babies are.  might be worth asking if the fc could do that, or at elast supply some photos so you can do one yourself?  though I appreciate, particularly after hearing about the paucity of photos and info given to squishy's new parents about sibs at this stage that not every LA would endorse that either.  mine do so is ok (even offered to pay for the book).  one thing I found with last lot was that mum was the main focus for little man, which I fully endorse as well, but she herself was torn becoz she felt guilty about leaving the older child alone so much.  little mans intros were very intense though and all day virtually from day 2.  I would suggest, even with a 4 month old where intros are going to be quite short, that there is time built into the intro plans to allow the other toddler time with parents alone still, made little mans intros more stressful for everyone than they might other wise have been had mum been more relaxed and less guilty feeling.

I suggest you speak to your sw about your concerns re little bee and decide between you what would be best for her.  its difficult to advise without knowing the child but my last families toddler was a similar age and we started full time from day 2 and it was hard work and very intense.  we had 5 days of intros and home on day 6 even though I didn't think bubs was ready (was a bit older than yours and aware strange stuff was going on!).  the intros are primarily for bubs to meet you and for you to get to know him and routines etc but it is important that little bee feel included and not excluded even though its unlikely little bee would manage all day herself, but be aware that the childs sw, fc and ff may not be overly interested in how your older child will be, their primary concern will be bubs.  I am told that last bubs sibling struggled to accept bubs for some time but is now settled and i'm sure the way intros were handled didn't help the sibling at all really which is why I am being a lot more careful this next time round, but am not an expert at moving babies into existing families with children having only don the one so far, much more used to my bubs being the one and only!  and am also conscious that an unsettled older sibling is going to impact on the recently moved in child as much as the other way round and for me that is why it is important to manage the exisiting children as well as possible, i'm not overly bothered if they are finding it difficult becoz that's the parents job to deal with, but it'll impact on 'my' bub so it needs addressing this end too (makes me sound horrible I know but I love my bubs and want only the very best for them and don't know the other children! ).

hi lovely bee...

your little bee sounds a bit like squirrel...bright...articulate with a tendancy towards anxiety.. squirrel as been through three sets of intros (including her own)

i might have a double buggy on hold somewhre... although squirrel didn't need the double...when we went from one to two...it helped reassure her that her and howler were equally loved and cared for...and in the run up to howler coming she claimed her side first and we put a toy for howler in the other side so it symbolised a plce for her...it also menat she wasn't kicked out of her buggy for howler, after a month or two we mostly use a single nd a buggy board and howler and squirrel mostly take their scooters, but she only liked doing that once she saw howler doing it too...she hated seeing howler in her sling even though she wqas too big for it and we did squeeze her back into it and carry her around sling style too (fortunately she is v petite!)we didnt givenew babies anytging that used to be hers... after awhile when she had accepted the placements she would pass things on of her own volition, but we never did it for her. we also set her up with a place for her fiddly things at the table...som,ewhere were she could do a jigsaw without having her oieces swiped and gummed... we gave her loads of attention and reassurance, but being mindful of her special things helped her see that we were looking out for her...we asked friends and relatives to talk to her about things that were just about her...favourite books etc before asking about her sibs, to make her see that she was being seen as herself not just part of a group. nursery helped with knowing that she was going through a change and did little special time with her and two other children that had recently had baby sibs...i pout up some new pics in her room, just her being hugged by all the important people in her life...she really needed to feel important...there was an angelina ballerina book about angelina getting a new brother and getting cross and braking things and her mum and granny not getting cross, but talking to her abou her feelings that was good post placement.

on intros fc and i changed things around as we felt best met the needs of the children...

also you could find out los nap time because a baby and a three year old will probably be on quite different schedules giving you v little time to yourself...but maybe some room for one to one time... we kept to fc schedule for awhile as we have always kept children in the routine they are used to at thebeginning



eg when george came home we were

7 - george up and bottle

8 girls up and breakfast

1030 snack for everyone

1030-1230 george sleep

12-30 everyone lunch

1-2-30 girls sleep/ quiet time

2-30-5 all awake and park trip or similar

5 -630 - dinner/ bath/ milk/ stories / bedfor everyone



it gave the children sometime to get used to the change and intergrate a bit more slowly...dh had a month of and as he went back we gently pushed george and the girls to a 1230 sleep and they all do everything together now and are very integrated, but that bit of breathing room helped



we shamelessly abused our support network, mym mum and dad were there during intros and even if we were in borough, with hindsight i would ask them to come, because they did all our shopping, we cam home every night to freshly cooked meals and they did petrol runs and brought us anything we needed running around and helped take loads of los stuff from fc home.



they also did a big shop and made sure hte house was clen and tidy when we got back



this helpd us only concentrate on our los which tbh, we didn't have the energy for anything else!



we went to our accomodayion a couple of sdays before intros started to settle lo in with both of us and familiarise ourselves with local parks, and spend time with squirrel one child to 4 adults on howlers intros!



she couldn't be alone for the first month or so of placement and was super clingy...we tried to let her cling, pick her up and carry her as much as possible



sorry this is another string of random thoughts... but its coming to the ned of naptime and i wanted to get as many down for you as i could... hope some help...every family is different!



good luck ps doubles buggies aer always available on ebay and are quite easy to sell on after use if you do decide to go wuth one.