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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 6, 2014 17:52:14 GMT
ok, so the start of my diary so i don't take over Imps!.
had my grumpy day last week like Imp did, but now the serious business of preparation and distraction starts.
I made a reverse family book for squishys new older sibling so they will have a bit of a peek at him and his current home before they arrive. should arrive in time for the LAD hopefully, will be giving to them after matching panel by the parents.
Friday I got my invite to the LAD. It might not sound like it from some comments but I really do enjoy these on the whole, what could be better than telling people who are desperate to know just how gorgeous squishy munchkin is?
I have completed the questions for fc's from the old boards, I give these to prospective parents at the LAD but don't go thro them, far too much info on them! need to get some paper so I can print it now!
this afternoon I have completed (not easy with a lively squishy on my knee and one handed!) the info I WILL share at the LAD, more or less the same as the other bit but in a more LOBS friendly format to present. I will use this as a prompt sheet on the day. a copy is given to the parents and I email a copy to the minute taker to save her poor fingers becoz she writes everything longhand and almost word for word!
this evening I need to sort the photos and organise the ones that need to be printed and put into the photo album and the tomorrow I need to print them off at the Kodak shop.
after bm's final contact next week I need to sort and label the content of the memory box and pack up the stuff I need for the LAD.
and then I need to chill a bit so that I am wide eyed and bushy tailed when I 'meet the parents'. this is THE most terrifying prospect, what if they don't like me, what if I don't like them? (I have a lot of hang ups!!), do they seem to 'fit' for LO? I know sw's say they do but my experiences over the last year or so has somewhat tarnished my faith in sw opinion1 I need to see to believe! I have only had one iffy set so far and my gut was right about them sadly.
so that's my preparation for the next week, all to fit in along side completing another unit of my diploma, two training days and looking after squishy and AS, final contact and usual day to day routines and commitments. thank heavens its almost easter holidays!
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 6, 2014 19:01:47 GMT
LObs can you tell me a bit more about LADs? I've never been invited to one and assumed it was because the children I've moved on to adoption were too young - but Jane was 4.
What happens at them? Who goes?
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 6, 2014 20:51:57 GMT
Life appreciation day. its a day where everyone who has worked with the child/ren meet together to share information about them with prospective parents, who will have been officially linked and on their way to matching panel, so the people who will, if everything goes according to plan, become the LO's parents. in our LA it is always done prior to matching panel, I have heard of some following matching panel but as it forms part of the information about the parents and child for MP I don't see how that can work properly in practice.
Most of mine have had myself (clearly becoz I am the person the child knows best), my fsw partly as support for me but also for her take on the child (she doesn't usually attend the whole thing any more becoz I've done several and she's been promoted so very busy). then the child's sw to give the history of the family and child, reason for child coming into care, history of the legal process journey etc, the parents sw the family finder (if different, my last one had the same ff and asw for family but was a local placement, out of county placements they are different obviously) Child's IRO for similar but a slightly different perspective as coming from someone who knows the child on paper more than in person, contact worker if there was one to give the perspective from contact with birth family, LAC paediatrician (has never attended one of mine but always speaks to the parents separately if not attending), health visitor to give any health concerns or to reassure that LO is fit as a fiddle! LAC or school nurse if involved. then nursery/school staff. i've had the class manager from nursery and senco, portage home visitor (if involved), speech and language therapist (if involved). for some children the specialist doctors that see the child are asked to attend or to submit a report but this usually comes via the LAC paediatrician. the guardian is also invited but I have never seen one yet attend. and any previous foster carers that have cared for the child are supposed to be invited as well, though I have recently discovered that this seems to be up to the discretion of the sw's involved with the child as I was not invited to the one for the BBS recently despite having been her carer for 3/4 of her young life- but that's a whole different story and not one for here! oh, and of course the prospective parents becoz there would really be little point without them present!! bubs do not attend and neither do any exisiting children within the new family, though I guess adult or teenage children might, but have never had a family makeup like that for any of my bubs
essentially we all get together for several hours, the longer the child has been in care, or older they are, the more there is to say by more people so they can last all day. the bbs had one that lasted from 9.30 am til 4pm. lunch is laid on (is here anyway!). for my younger and less complicated babies they are much shorter, less to say and less people involved. my last one had me, my fsw, parents (no sw attended for them) family finder, childs sw, iro, health visitor (and student) and contact worker and we really worked hard to stretch it to three hours and that included lunch!.
we usually take it in turns to share what we know about the child, but everyone chips in with anecdotes etc along the way, parents can and usually do, ask questions along the way. when its my turn to speak I share the child's routine, likes and dislikes, milestones, development, behaviour what they are like as little poeple, temperament etc I bring along the memory box, memory book, any photo albums, foot prints etc that I have made and my computer so I can show some videos and photos over lunch. I also take some of the child's comforters for parents to sleep with until matching panel when they are returned to me to put into LO's cot in the run to and during intros. and where there are siblings I take the reverse family book I have made for parents to share that with the siblings after matching panel just as I share the family book with the LO. there are of course differences between each LAD becoz each child and set of parents are different and the dynamics are different but more or less this is the pattern our LA take and the style I have within that for my own presentation.
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Post by knight on Apr 6, 2014 22:05:14 GMT
Gosh LOBS: that's a whole lot of work both before and leading up to intros but very helpful to read: I've just added to my CPR questions for Munchkin whether they do a LAD. x
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Post by imp on Apr 6, 2014 23:41:22 GMT
We don't have LADs in our LA, I just meet the potential adopters, usually with their SW, child's SW and my SSW. This is the time when I 'bring the child to life'. It is usually mostly about myself and the Adopters, the SWs are really there to hear what we discuss!! Also useful if either side then feel that the match isn't viable, from the information, impressions of both LO and the adopters. The majority that I have been to have resulted in a match, just three that haven't. One was the adopters deciding that their first AC just wasn't ready for a new little person in their lives, the other two it became obvious when talking to the adopters---and their reaction to info/videos of the LO ----that they just weren't the right match. I find this a really useful session, as do the Adopters. In deed, one set of Adopters told me that it was The most effective part of the matching process.
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 7, 2014 7:26:12 GMT
I like the LAD becoz you can get a good impression of the adopters and for the 'fit' for the LO. only down side is that the sw's have already decided that by the time we get to the LAD and fc's here have no input into that decision making. I was involved in viewing profiles of families for current little one but my own feelings about the kind of family I felt would be best for him were ignored and they have gone for the exact kind of family makeup that I have reservations about for him, which is not a reflection on the family's ability to meet his needs, just my own reservations about what bubs needs most. I have heard nothing about the family that gives me cause to think they wouldn't do their very best for him, but sometimes a family without other children is the best option and I think for my current bubs that is the best kind of family for him. but there are siblings involved so I have to work with that and make the introductions work and hope the rest of it falls into place for bubs and the family once he's moved. i know my last one that moved in with a sibling the sibling really struggled, far more than the bubs i moved on, and that is my concern really that the siblings will struggle which will mean less time for bubs when he is struggling too, i think he will struggle more than last bubs when he moves on and that will impact on the other sibs (adopted) as well. but anyway, i know the family are chomping at the bit and very very excited to meet bubs and that is always a good thing! there is nothing sadder than being told by sw's when they go to meet a family before linking and come away saying there was no excitement there. my babies are worth getting excited about even if they are not right for that family!
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Post by donatella on Apr 7, 2014 8:22:51 GMT
We've never had one! Met two of the fcs at planning meeting on the day of intros and for littlys we drove for two hours to get there - not the same day as intros started - the male carer arrived half an hour late, had a strop, then walked out when sw refused to stretch intros over four weeks.
We gave female carer our list of questions and she looked at them, handed them back unanswered and instead told us that our daughter liked sitting on the potty to watch tv - MTV!
We had a rerun on the day intros started - this time with female carer. She walked out. Male carer didn't turn up.
It didn't get better! Thankfully it was our third set so I was a much stronger character by then!!
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 7, 2014 8:28:48 GMT
Thanks for that LOBs. It sounds great. I'm going to mention it to my support group later this month and if we don't already do them hopefully something can be set up.
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 7, 2014 8:30:51 GMT
Donatella just seen your post - that's shocking! I hope you fed it back. Foster carers are constantly told we're "professionals" (when it suits the Professionals!) and it makes my blood boil when I hear of bad ones. They really let the good ones down.
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Post by donatella on Apr 7, 2014 8:48:22 GMT
We had to step back and let sws deal with. On day 3, when we had the boys with us (we were staying in a travelodge) they rang at 9pm telling us we couldn't see her the following day as they'd made plans.
On handover day we didn't see them. Sw had to hand her over while they hid in the kitchen.
They had, though, invited all their family to support them - children, grandchildren and their parents. It was pretty awful.
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 9, 2014 18:30:46 GMT
feeling rather sad tonight. I know its the right decision, I have no doubts about that at all but the finality of the final contact is heart breaking.
squishy munchkin was a little star and of course oblivious to what was going on, managed all the passing around (5 family members attended, far too many) and stayed awake throughout, but so unsettled at bedtime poor thing. and BM absolutely distraught. very sad to witness. usually the final contact takes place elsewhere, first bubs I have had that has had them at home which was good for him just less so for me!
this is the first baby I have had that we have gone from the final contact straight to LAD, there is usually a very quick wind down of contact following placement order, used to be PO granted and then one final contact, these days the LA seem to be doing several weeks of wind down contacts first by which time with the new faster adoptions we are almost at moving day or so it feels anyway.
but have sorted the memory box and got most things ready for the LAD in a few days time.
just need to shake off the doldrums now!
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Post by esty (archive) on Apr 9, 2014 20:21:44 GMT
Oh so sad on so many levels but hope the future turns it all around.
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Post by moo on Apr 10, 2014 5:30:52 GMT
Aww lob's that final contact feels so stressful.... I can feel it thro the screen...
Thanx for sharing you are keeping it together fantastically....
Shocked that you guys don't get more say in the 'right' match....
Hugs For You & Skwishy....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 10, 2014 7:03:36 GMT
Some LA adoption agencies do value the opinion of their fc's more moo, Imp's seem to be one of these. the fact I was even shown profiles prior to the linking meeting is a move forward for mine even if they did completely ignore my own reservations.
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Post by moo on Apr 11, 2014 7:24:04 GMT
Hope it proves far better in the flesh...
Hugs for you...
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 11, 2014 18:49:43 GMT
so, after a pretty sleepless night off I went with my computer (for photos and videos), memory box and some other stuff to the LAD. I was ridiculously early, was expecting traffic and didn't get it. parents arrived shortly after me and everyone else just drifted in some time after that.
initial gut reactions are good (so relieved!) and I can see bubs growing up in this family, he has a look of mum (I think, but didn't say so!). both so enthusiastic and eager to learn anything and everything about him which is always a plus. loved the videos.
all in all a lovely way to spend the day talking about a bubs I adore who is clearly going to be adored where he is going. all good so far.
couple of months break now til intros. diary might get a few dust balls!
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Post by knight on Apr 11, 2014 20:49:34 GMT
Ahh wow, that's lovely to hear and reassuring for you that you had a good feel about the parents and the day. At least that's better than a not so good feeling, with 2 months to worry/ponder. Very hard though x
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Post by moo on Apr 12, 2014 7:54:07 GMT
Aww great lob... So thrilled you can 'see ' them together as a family.... It must really help...
In limbo then for a while now...
Enjoy skwishing l/o for a while longer!! Hugs xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2014 14:33:39 GMT
Why the break until intro's LOB's?
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 14, 2014 18:50:46 GMT
coz not a lot going on now (for me!) until intros! there may be some wrangling (sorry, negotiations) at preplanning meetings (assuming I am invited, haven't been the last two times and had to change all the plans the sw's made to fit in with bubs needs and my diary commitments!), but other than that and receiving the slept on blankies from parents following MP, that's pretty much it for now. there will be the family book etc arriving, forgot about that bit, but essentially nothing now for at least three weeks that affects me going on. but if anything does happen, i'll be back! 
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2014 7:27:08 GMT
Sorry LOB's just me being stupid. I forgot it's different from the FC's side of things.
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Post by moo on Apr 22, 2014 6:37:38 GMT
Looking forward to it lob xx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 8, 2014 21:25:41 GMT
So mp said yes and so full steam ahead. Intros not til june due to sw and my pre existing holiday commitments (not giving up gsh camp a second year becoz of foster children!  ). Family book delivered and duly shared tho as its a normal book rather than a tomy one it has limited interst for such a young baby and im not sure how much benefit it will be. i hate the tomy books, they drive me nuts, but for very young children hearing the sound of their new parents voices is i think helpful, particularly when they are from out of area and speak with different accents. But squishy says it tastes good and he likes the feel of the paper and he's fairly certain it will sound good when I let my guard down and he finds the book and rips the paper!! next step planning, or preplanning meetings. Hoping my suggestions are taken on board, usually have a battle with the adoption manager over the plans despite my experience of adoption and personal knowledge of the children, but they do seem to be humouring me a bit more this time round! (Pays to complain!). Meanwhile I have a house sale to complete in the next two weeks and renovations to organise so never a dull moment! (House sale completes day of te gsh camp! Great timing! Large mug of something calming needed on arrival!
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Post by amberle on May 8, 2014 22:08:14 GMT
Goodness how are you juggling all this ? Great news you are being listened too...reading your post has made me decide definitely to do the Tomy book. House move, intros and renovations ..all in a month wow I definitely salute you. Xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 9, 2014 8:28:41 GMT
to be fair i'm not actually moving, its an investment property and my 'surrogate' daughter and her fiancée will be living in it and paying me rent. is just the sale that's going through and then renovations, but not starting those til intros have finished. wasn't expecting it to go through so fast! but yes, definitely go for a talking type album with littlies, always my preference (even if they do really irritate me they do then leave with the child, so I only suffer for a few weeks and then the parents have the books til the battery dies, mwahahahah)
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Post by moo on May 9, 2014 10:43:52 GMT
Congratulations lob for Skwishy.....
Hope all preparations go well....
Looking forward to my " fix" of the intros too when they start.... Hugs for you... Xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on May 9, 2014 12:00:25 GMT
Interesting about the books LOBs, the last couple of tinies I've moved haven't been interested in the Tomy ones. Maybe it's just they're picking up on my dislike of them!
Most successful thing is always a DVD. Even an 8 month old sat still and watched his new mummy and daddy being silly on screen (over, and over, and over...) and I think in all the moves (where the child was able to speak) the ones we had a DVD for were the ones where they greeted new parents as "mummy and daddy!" from the first minute of meeting.
Hope you're listened to at the planning meetings, I know how frustrating it is to be ignored when actually you do know best.
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 9, 2014 13:49:35 GMT
ive only had one with a dvd (the bbs) and she watched it once with great interest and then lost interest! they're all different!
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 11, 2014 16:18:03 GMT
Not really related but bubba is poorly.  hes very rarely poorly and is managing it well, but 4 really nasty nappies is taking its toll on my nose!!
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Post by chotimonkey on May 11, 2014 16:38:58 GMT
do you think they know and get ill as a last big cling to you... curious george was sick not long before intros and again after about a month and a half after placement and i didnt put him down for a week... literally... i read somewhere that with v littlies who are preverbal its a way of the body expressing what is going on in the mind? or maybe its just germs 
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