ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96 
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Post by ruby7 on Apr 5, 2014 20:47:02 GMT
Hi all, the children's SW and family finder SW are coming for a first visit on Thursday.
What should we expect, how should we prepare?
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Post by daffin on Apr 5, 2014 21:09:52 GMT
Hi Ruby. How exciting!
If I were you, I would read the children's CPR carefully and identify any issues of concern to discuss.
Other than that, use the time to get a more vivid picture of the kids and check that you feel they are the right match.
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Post by Ad-minnie! on Apr 5, 2014 22:05:28 GMT
The family finder and SW will be trying to see if you can meet the needs of the children as well as trying to picture them with you .. So looking to see if it's a good fit.
So make sure you know as much as possible from the CPR's, that you can answer questions about the challenges you may face and of course try to show why you want to parent these children.
They will ask questions of you but they will also be expecting you to have questions too.
I think your questions can help show your understanding of the children.
They may bring photos and possibly a DVD.
The meeting does help you get more of a feel for things and for me they were able to give some more up to date info.
Do remember it's to help you decide too.
Don't forget the tea and biscuits ;-).
Hope the visit goes well.
Minnie x
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Post by moo on Apr 6, 2014 5:53:08 GMT
Congratulations ruby....
I think we ' old timers ' ok Me Then! have vivid wonderful memories of that first meeting with their the s/w of their now children... Looking back it was the most fantastic experience...
As Minnie says the ff has your form f & paperwork & they must have felt a connection to you for l/o based on what they have read.... A huge part of the meeting really is about checking you out in the flesh see if it ' really ' as good in the flesh.... Just like us reading a cpr meeting you breathes life into the person you really are & weather there will be a good 'match '...
It is important usually to the s/w to see your commitment to the match see that you have read around certain issues related to their child & that you understand implications of the CPR.... Your asking Q's help them see your enthusiasm...
When baa & skweeks s/w visited she was a breath of fresh air.... She had known the boys since before they were conceived coz she knew the bf well... She was able to fill in lots of blanks or uncertainties that I had from the CPR.... She stayed & looked all around the farm & farmhouse... She was actually here quite a while & was very interested in ' just chatting' to me... It really felt just like a chat over coffee.... Once starting the meeting I no longer felt stressed it was a gentle talk about boys me life & stuff!! All she wanted was to check that I didn't have 2 heads & that I was all that she had read in my form f... Magical meeting...
Once she left tho I was bricking it.... I sooo wanted to be the boys mummeee more than anything ever before..... What I didn't know until after placement & she was visiting regularly , was that she felt as soon as she drove down my drive for that wonderful first meeting that this was the right place for baa & skweek.... She described a 'tingle' when she shook my hand at the front door!!! Wish she had told me I had 24 hours of horror jitters before the official 'YES' came by s/w email system!!!!!!
Soo Good Luck.... Try & be calm & pick your Q's carefully... Not loads but enough to prove commitment.... It is as much about you being sure as them... After all you have to be sure you can offer the best for the l/o (s)
Please Please post letting us know how it went..... We are all sitting here with baited breath rooting for you xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by knight on Apr 6, 2014 8:00:21 GMT
Oh my word Ruby: you don't mess about, wonderful. I'm a bit behind you so no advice but wishing you the best of luck. Let's hope the visit is just like Moo's, sounds perfect  |
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Apr 6, 2014 8:32:40 GMT
This is great folks.
I should have said that we have already met the children and the social worker at an activity day last month, we all had a good connection.
The Reports are not up to date. So we are hoping they will send a report of how they have progressed while in foster care ( two years) ....
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 8:57:28 GMT
Great advice already given. The one question they will definately ask and you need to discuss and think about your answer is "Why do you feel these are the right children for you?"You will know why, but when put on the spot with a question like that, you can be left feeling a bit tongue tied if you haven't kind of thought it out in your head and practiced your answer so to speak. You don't want to be left there like a fish out of water stuttering away going because ..... without having thought it through a bit. So get thinking and practising and don't forget SW's loooove nice biscuits/cake. Always helps to get them on your side.  Apart from that just try and relax and be yourselves - You are almost there Ruby. Best of luck and don't forget to tell us how it goes. |
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 7, 2014 14:11:02 GMT
Hi ruby
What an exciting (and terrifying) time!! I've got everything crossed for you...
I'm an over preparer... So we made the house v lovely... Found out where they where coming from, what time rtc and offered to make lunch found out dietary requirements etc as they where coming a reasonable way. Did v homely fresh baked bread and soup to make the house smell cosy
I always have a lot of family photos out.. But updated them including done childhood pics one that was identical to Los profile pic, lots of dh and I smiling and being fun, also in places culturally appropriate for our Los and showing lots of our extended family
We made a list for ourselves evidencing all the reasons why we thought we were good for lo..
Eg I was doing a child psychotherapy degree so pulled out all the books I had on attachment early trauma + all our adoption stuff
Made a photo Eco map of people who were key in our lives and who would be in Los lives to give a visual of their potential lives with us
Sourced lots of stuff on Los heritage and put it into a file to show to sw about pronoting their cultural heritage
Made a list of all medical/ psychological conditions mentioned about bps in CPR and ride loads and printed of lots of info appropriate support groups
Ditto ideas for a child of Los age
Printed a lot of stuff off the Internet about local age appropriate facilities to show how good the area is
Have ideas about how Los rooms could be made welcoming to this specific lo
We also had a list of qu about lo...
The ff and sw arrived and showed us a pic of lo and DVD and net through what they knew about lo and asked qu and wrote down info as we went, then asked some more qu...
We talked over lunch and they asked qu about us and our lives but it didn't feel like an interrogation... We have a little bit of a love in with our ff, she became our sw for howler and George's adoptions and has been with us through squirrels matching and then. Howlers approval and matching and then George's approval and matching and we will quite miss her when we finally stop adopting!!
It should be a two way process where they find out about you , but you also make sure that lo is for you, what support is available etc
Keep us posted!
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Apr 10, 2014 6:40:31 GMT
Woowzer, we have done half of this, questions, etc, I was toying with lunch thinking it might be too much, but they are coming far, maybe I'll do some dippy bites thing, there coming today so I better get cracking!
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Post by moo on Apr 11, 2014 14:27:14 GMT
Yep me too ruby been thinking about you sending positive vibes.....
C' mon girl spill....
xx. moo. X
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 11, 2014 17:00:29 GMT
Do keep us posted, I meant to message back a
Nd say all the prep I did wasn't necessary it mostly kept me busy whilst waiting for the visit whichvwS delayed...
Been thinking about you and keeping it all crossed p
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Apr 12, 2014 8:15:50 GMT
It's so great knowing we have support from people we have never met! thanks folks.
Went well, they want us to go to matching panel on 1st July and intros to start on 9th, they told us this while they were here.
The issue we have is we have quite a bit of work to do to prepare the rooms, mainly relocating furniture that's not really childreny and all our musical instruments etc.
We won't have time to do this between 1st and 9th and if the match is not successful then we will have wasted time and energy for nothing.
The timelines are due to us wanting the children to see there new school before term ends and we can't go to earlier panel as their SW is on leave for 7 weeks.
Is it worth taking the risk and preparing the rooms?
Also they were reluctant to pay for an attachment assessment. They have never done a Together or Apart assessment, we did not get up to date CRPs before hand and they did not bring with them.
They have been in FC for 2 years. So much to think about and planning of timelines....all advice and guidance welcomed....
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Post by flowerpower on Apr 12, 2014 15:32:01 GMT
I would get the room sorted it will not be a waste of time as even if this LO is not for you I am sure another one will be just around the corner xx
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