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Post by knight on Apr 14, 2014 17:59:41 GMT
I know JMK: my friends said to email her SW to say, if they don't find anyone after X amount of time and if I'm not linked by then, to contact me but they've made their decision and it's all comes down to money: if I had enough money to stay at home, it wouldn't have been an issue, would it??!!
So wrong that this little un is going to stay in care on top of how long she's been waiting since PO until they find the right (financial) match. Hey ho. x
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2014 7:44:30 GMT
Any news Knight?
Just wondered if they'd sent you any other links?
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Post by knight on May 25, 2014 8:51:51 GMT
Hi JMK, thanks for asking but no and not helped by me not being on the Register (the plan was to get me on immediately after approval and was even asked to sign consent forms 2.5 months ago so, there was no issue about 'holding me back' for the first 3 months); have sent several email prompts and mentioned it in a couple of conversations over the last 7 weeks - the promise was to get it done by the end of the previous week but yet another week has passed and it still hasn't been done. I'd emailed last week politely bullet pointing the outstanding things which needed attention - silence!! I've started filling in the self-referral form and will send that off soon if SW doesn't. If I was told, it will be done by X, that's fine, it's the not knowing that's a killer (but then actually, that didn't work, as above). It's a shame cos SW has been excellent up until this point: I wonder if that was because the manager insisted on the 6mth timetable being kept to so the SWs had the focus of having to keep to those deadlines; and/or combined with whether getting me on the Register means extra work as I gather they get inundated with profiles from FFs - but that's their job. Anyway, there's an activity day at the end of next month but I'm not holding out any hope for that + Exch Day over a week later; at least with the Register - the FFs come looking for you so they already 'like' you and what you're about as a potential link. I have asked about a LO and was blunt about finances and other things; their reply was that it had been 'well received'; so waiting to see what they think of my PAR. I don't think there are 'wheels in motion' in the background re: other potential links because I know I would have been told. It's just so frustrating when weeks are passing by and things which need actioning are being ignored - all that's needed are 3 emails + c.30mins to fill in the referral form There are only so many times I can say "it's ok" and be nice/patient. x
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2014 9:01:54 GMT
How frustrating.
I think I would be tempted to send weekly email reminders asking if such and such has been done yet, cc'ing it to SW's line manager.
I find cc'ing things to others very effective as the person who is supposed to be doing it knows that others higher up are also in the know, it tends to make them get their finger out.
This is the bit that bugs me when approved adopters are ready to go and the SW's try and hang onto them even if they have no potential links, it's so wrong.
Hugs xx
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Post by knight on May 25, 2014 17:41:40 GMT
I know: friends from my info Evening got their link via Adoption Register (they were put on immediately after approval as I was supposed to be) and they go to MP at the end of next month for their gorgeous sibs, so not being on the Register is simply a possible missed opportunity as far as I'm concerned. It'll happen when it's right, I know that but still - you've got to be in the best possible position for that to happen: I'll ring this coming week and if SW not in, will ask to speak to her senior; I'm still going to be nice cos there's no reason not to be and I do get on very well with my SW (which I know is a positive and not everyone experiences that): I'll just ask to give his name to the Register to 'sign off' for me and I'm going to email the FF directly to get feedback if I don't hear from SW. I was just hoping for a summer placement for LO's sake, no pressure of her having to be in school but it's clearly not meant to be x
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Post by ladybug on May 25, 2014 20:55:50 GMT
Oh Knight It really is so frustrating when you get no response and feels like you are hitting a brick wall all the time. We've found that since being approved everything seems to kind of slow down or so it seems. I suppose up to the point we were approved we had dates to work to so knew when things were going to happen but from then on in there are no timescales. chin up hun all of a sudden I am sure everything will start moving full throttle and you're feet won't touch the ground. x x x Ladybug x x
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Post by moo on May 26, 2014 6:10:38 GMT
Hey knight so sorry they are holding you back.... This is exactly what happened to me.... All good things promised & then never actioned coz it was too much work for my lazy pet demon.... You can Deffo self register.... You only have to give your l/a 3 months..... Do it self register.... If it has been talked of by your s/w with some certainty then just do it.... After all it will help out!?!? Your excuse is clear.... Your friends at mp so soon & the fact that your wish list automatically rules out a lot of children waiting ( sibs & boys ).... The way I see it they can hardly argue or condemn you xxxx hugs xxxx
It'll summer hols in a mo
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by damson on May 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
We didn't like waiting and waiting post approval.
I had reckoned that they had already lined us up with children before we went for approval. After 3 months and no match, I remember telling our SW very bluntly that we would go shopping in Be My Parent and Children Who Wait. Yes, that was back in the dark ages before linking sites.
Turns out they had got a match all lined up, but there had been a legal hold up. And when she rang to tell us about the children, they were not a good match. And neither was the set we were offered two weeks later. Hang on in there for the right match.
Can you use 2Dads2Boys linking site?
xxx D
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Post by knight on May 26, 2014 20:26:46 GMT
Hi Damson, Yes, the waiting is tough going; I know it's early days for me really but it's the fact that things are not being done as promised, particularly when it's quite an important thing to sort. I registered with 2dads2boys' site a little while ago, it's really good, just not seen any possible girls in my age range yet: hopefully, LAs will add some more. My brother's been decorating this weekend so that's been a good distraction; I'll make some calls tomorrow and hopefully I'll know more Thanks all. x
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2014 20:27:00 GMT
We are waiting to hear back on a LO from an event 2 weeks ago too. Spoke for ages to child's SW and really thought we clicked but when we made enquiry we can't get a response back. Hub and I taking the stance if the SW really liked us we would have heard by now. We're clearly not good enough again
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Post by amberle on May 28, 2014 20:43:39 GMT
Knight - any update? X
Claire.. Don't get disheartened, your LO is out there maybe you just have not found each other yet. X
Big hugs to you both xx
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Post by knight on May 29, 2014 20:40:28 GMT
Amberle, no re: Register yet but it is going to get sorted, hopefully soon!!
Claire83: hi there, glad you've joined us in the 'parents in waiting' club: I had that same feeling of 'not being good enough' the other day when speaking to a FF. At the moment, I just feel like the "lowest of the low" being a singlie - just have to hold onto the fact that some kids really do need one parent. Anyway, best of luck: what are you approved for (sorry not looked at any other posts yet)? If you've not heard, why don't you send a polite little email reminder (either direct if that's appropriate or via your SW) as they might be on annual leave, certainly a number have been in the last couple of weeks for sure. Good luck.
x
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 12:44:08 GMT
Knight - I am sorry to hear that you feel this way as a Singlie. I think regardless of our status - couple or single - we are all going to feel like this at some point.
Reading back through the thread it was really disappointing to hear about the issues surrounding your work and a potential match. During interviews with family SW told my folks I would be taking a career break. Erm...news to me! Hub is out of work at mo but has a VES package so we are doing ok and he is looking for work at the mo. SW pesters him as to why he isn't working but in same breath expects me to take a career break. Bit of an old fashioned view. What if the hub wanted to be a stay at home dad? Feel very much as though we are damned if we do work (lack of time with child) and damned if we don't (lack of financial means).
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Post by knight on Jun 1, 2014 16:12:03 GMT
Hi Claire, my friends due to go to MP soon, the husband will be stay at home dad for the adoption leave period and SW didn't raise much about it, in fact it sounds like a positive as one of the sibs will do well with a male primary carer. x
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Post by vickyvixen on Jun 14, 2014 21:08:58 GMT
Hi Knight, so sorry to hear about your issues here. I'm also in limbo as despite me finishing my home study at the end of March, my SW didn't do my PAR as she prioritised another couple (who started their adoption journey after me) and has now gone on extended sick leave. So I'm having to do bits again with another SW with a view to finally going to panel in August... I hope! All this waiting is tough isn't it. However, your LO is out there just getting all prepared for you. Good luck :-)
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Post by knight on Jun 15, 2014 8:44:02 GMT
Oh no VV, that is so frustrating and unnecessary: I wonder whatever happened to the 6mth deadline??!! Let's hope they get the PAR finished and panel booked in. keep us updated x
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