When do adopters count as experienced

Our adoption is in to its 13th year but we have not experienced any problems apart from contact issues. Are we burying our heads in the sand....not recognizing problems like attachment issues.....who knows. Whatever we are doing works for us. So length of adoption probably does not equal experience, I would suggest that living with and dealing with issues as they arise will equal experience.

I think that all adopters/birth parents/foster carers etc are as experienced as they are.  if you have been through something you have experienced it.  if you've had to fight tooth and nail for services to meet the needs of your child (be they adopted or birth) as has donna, and myself, then you have that experience and your experience might help someone else.  if you've had an easy ride (in relative terms) then that is your experience and might be helpful to someone else. 
I don't honestly think that having things harder or having a child longer makes you more experienced, it just defines the experience you have.  the problem with sharing experiences tho is that some people who don't have any, or have limited experience wont believe anything they don't actually want to believe, and also that some people without a lot of experience of some issues believe that having no experience still makes them an expert.  anyway, that's my opinion on experience!  having had one relatively easy to raise but with many problems unique to himself for 20 years certainly makes me an expert on him, and sometimes sharing that experience can be helpful to others, sometimes sharing that experience just p's other people off!

Interesting question choti

Well as a wrinkly I am still learning every day from the new adopters and those further along as well as those with children living away or distant from them.  

I have always found the diversity of experiences and the way people have worked through things very thought provoking for me and I have always deeply valued people taking the time to post and share - even with things that really challenged my thinking so I think everyone has something valid to offer after all we have all come this route from a myriad different experiences, each of which will bolster our resilience as adopters or require some work  or quiet reflection on our parts.  

For me the real strength is not so much advice giving but the safe and non judgemental sharing of experiences but most of all unqualified support.  Life can be challenging enough - but words of support even from people who may not have walked in my shoes have made a huge huge difference to me over the years - supportive words and the kindness and thoughtfulness behind them have Given me so much strength to appreciate small moments of progress that others would not understand just how hard won they had been as well as helping me through some deeply challenging times especially when I was conflicted about sharing situations about my children with close family or friends as I would perhaps compromise their history which is for them to share as they feel the need.  

I remember my ds being a complete pain  at our local outdoor pool and having to regularly make him sit on the side with me til he calmed down - we persisted over the summer and he learned to swim but it was hard and I questioned whether it was worth it all never mind the embarrassment I felt as a mum. However one of the other mums I knew from the school gates (my son had made her son cry in his first term....so imagine my trepidation as she approached) came over and said she'd been watching me with my son and how patient and consistent I had been in parenting him through his challenges at the pool - words which have stuck especially when I doubted myself or should have been sat on the WP bench.

i don't think you need to wait to be "experienced" -  we are all fellow travellers sharing views on our particular landscape - nor do you need to be experienced to offer a kind and uplifting word - it can be more powerful than advice IMHO especially as with advice, the listener really has to be in the place to be open to it or the timing has to be just so - supportive words can make that all the more possible and empower people beyond the moment to then reflect when they are able perhaps.

So do share choti and others who may hesitate and help make these boards a vibrant, diverse but most of all supportive place no matter at what stage we all may be.

mx

What a great thought provoking question...

I was adopted, worked in childcare for 20 plus years before Pink came home and some days haven't got a darn clue what I'm doing! I'm taking each day at a time and probably will until the day Pink leaves home!

I think in the world of adoption there are so many variables, no two children are the same and every situation is unique. We all gain experience in our child needs and the challenges that life throws at them. Sadly it doesn't happen at once, but keeps on rolling...

At the end of the day, we are all learning and doing our best for our children.

That's what counts.