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Post by kstar on Feb 23, 2014 23:06:56 GMT
Starlet has had a really tough week this week and consequently so have I.
Nothing major and certainly nothing compared to what some of you have been through, just lots of challenging boundary testing, controlling behaviour, tantrums... Then two days of being quite quiet, subdued and clingy.
Then today she asked me to lie on the sofa and she collapsed in front of me ("I'm spooning because I can't look at you right now mummy") and said she was sad. I told her it was ok to be sad and everyone gets sad sometimes and asked if she wanted to talk about it. She then said she was missing FCs, so we talked about her memories of living with them. Because she was talking quite freely, I asked if she wanted to talk about her other mummy too. She then cried again and said it makes her sad that she can't really remember her other mummy, so we looked at the photo pages from her life story folder and talked about her birth family. Throughout it all, she remained calm and focused, asked perceptive questions and was honest about her feelings.
I couldn't believe it was my little whirlwind talking! I was so proud of her!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2014 7:59:30 GMT
Oh wow kstar, how fab that Starlet opened up to you.
It just shows how far you have both come that she could trust you enough to tell you how she was feeling. She is obviously working through her feelings and is questioning why she is where she is and how she got there.
Seven is an age when most kids do this, working out who is who in their family and how they fit in in the world etc. It augers well for her future that she can open up and talk about this and having such a fab mum as you to talk to freely will help her so much.
Hugs to you too, sometimes it is hard to hear your much loved LO talking about her other mum, so well done you for handling it so well. xx
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Post by sivier on Feb 24, 2014 12:35:43 GMT
That's inspiring parenting kstar!
And well done Startlet for getting it out..
xx
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Post by mayan on Feb 24, 2014 14:08:58 GMT
Sad that your little one has to carry such big feelings at such a tender age as many of our children do - but glad that you found each other and that she has found the courage to put her trust in you and open up like this. Sounds like you said and did everything she needed - which can be quite hard at times when our emotions can be pulled in different directions. Tough stuff to hear and absorb so be kind to yourself - sounds like Starlet has a super mum there!!! Well done you!
Mx
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Post by vickyvixen on Feb 24, 2014 19:46:18 GMT
That is fantastic kstar - she obviously trusts you so much. Heart warming
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Post by kstar on Feb 24, 2014 20:13:52 GMT
I was fine last night and quite proud of what we both achieved... But today I am an emotional wreck :-( her life story work refers to mummy all the way through, and starlet naturally started saying mummy too. Ah well, a good cry can be therapeutic too! Lol. Thanks for all your support - our kids don't come with any kind of guide book, it's so nice to hear positive feedback on what I said :-)
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Post by knight on Feb 24, 2014 22:13:43 GMT
Wow, the fact that she wanted/needed to say something and recognised that she needed to spoon to do that, just amazing...shows how far you've helped her to feel confident and safe to do that. Well done to both of you. x
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Post by moo on Feb 25, 2014 6:13:48 GMT
Wow kstar amazing..... Starlet was so brave to have such a grown up talk with mummy..... she clearly adores & trusts you... Fantastic...
Know what you mean about the life story books & inappropriate use of the word mummy!! I changed mine as I thought it confusing for the boys & hurtful for me..... Hugs for you you are doing a wonderful job.. {{{}}} 
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by serrakunda on Feb 25, 2014 14:28:04 GMT
well done girls, you are a really good team
Simba often has waves of sadness about the past, one of the things about the older kids is that they remember so much more. Ive managed not to take it personally when he talks about his first mummy ( thats what he calls her) but his sadness is hard to bear sometimes.
Its so intense when its just the two of you, don't forget you need somewhere to release the sadness too, I find a bit of boxing training does the trick !
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Post by damson on Feb 28, 2014 16:03:09 GMT
We always say 'emotion takes work'.
Opening the life story folder was a huge jump in the dark.
I'm not surprised you felt exhausted, hope you are feeling happier now the weekend is rolling round.
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