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Post by flowerywellies on Feb 3, 2014 20:30:12 GMT
Hi everyone
Thought I'd post an update as I stopped my Intro diary half way through due to lack of internet access in B&B!!
All I can say about the rest of intro's were that it was very stressful and emotional. FC's didn't want Rainbow wellies to go and spent every day crying. They didn't tell her she was moving on until I insisted the day before move in day. Little Rainbow wellies was not well prepared for adoption. SW only spoke to her once and didn't use material suitable for a 2 yr old. She only did goodbye contact with BM the week before intro's! LO still has got it sorted in her head and names all her toys and characters in books after FC.
Social worker is supposed to be doing some work with her to help her understand but is not skilled in talking to a 2 yr old. Does anyone have any experience of explaining adoption to a 2 yr old or any suitable books. SW gave me a book about Teasle bunnies but it is way above her level!!
All I can say is that I'm glad that part is over. I am loving being little Rainbow Wellies mum. She is so cute and settling in well despite some control issues, occasional tantrums. We have been getting out to toddler groups together which she enjoys. I have had to cope with her being ill during week 2 with a cough and cold and this weekend she has had vomiting and diarrhoea!! My washing machine is on overtime. I am really tired but coping ok.
My parents are coming to meet her for the first time this week. She has spoken to them on Skype but thinks my Dad is her birth Grandad who she only met at goodbye contact with BM. She won't acknowledge my Mum. Could be an interesting time!!
To all of you that are approved and still waiting for a match. Hang in there. I waited 7 months and LO is definitely worth the wait!!
Flowery Wellies
Mum to 2 yr old girl (aka Rainbow Wellies)
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Post by leo on Feb 3, 2014 21:00:02 GMT
You sound like you're doing so well. The early days are very difficult when a child doesn't understand what's happening (and just as much so when they do!)
Three years on and my children still don't quite get the complexities of family relationships or understand that FC relations weren't their family (and they were much older at placement). They still think that when Grandad dies they'll just get a new Grandad.
Much though illness is horrible for your LO it does achieve two things - the knowledge that your child feels safe enough with you to 'allow' themselves to be ill - and it allows you to get close and nurture them!
Hope all continues to go well for both of you.
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Post by nomoretears on Feb 3, 2014 21:03:42 GMT
I'm sorry to hear things were so stressful for you, especially as you're going through it in your own (I'm a single foster carer about to go through the process "from the other side" on my own too. It's far from the first move I've done, but these things just seem harder with no-one there to hold your hand!)
I think the naming things after FC will probably continue for a while. Don't see this as a bad thing, its good that she can process things like that.
I printed out my own story for a 2 year old I moved on as most of the "official" literature is too complex. Keep it really simple - I used flower fairy Birth Mums name and flower fairy Birth dads name; flower fairy No more Tears; Flower fairy Social workers name and Flower Fairy new mum and dads names. Oh and Flower fairy little girl! There was also the wise owl Judge. There's always a wise owl Judge. Then just simply explain that Birth mum and dad couldn't keep X safe, so she went to live with FF FC, who looked after her and kept her safe until the FF SW found her a new FF mummy who would love her and keep her safe so FF FC could look after other FFs... Use more pictures than words. Let her help you colour it in.
Hope you don't catch her bug!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2014 21:42:49 GMT
Hi Flowery wellies thanks for the update. I was wondering how you were getting on.
What a shame that FC hadn't got her act together, although 2 is a hard age to prepare a child as they don't really understand what's going on at that age. Sounds like you are doing really well. Batism of fire with vomiting and diarrhoea you poor thing! Only good thing about illness is they usually want more cuddles when they are poorly.
Hope meeting with GP's goes well, take things slowly and I'm sure she will adjust. Keep posting.
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Post by serrakunda on Feb 3, 2014 23:46:00 GMT
I know it's horrible but being ill can help with bonding, sounds like you are doing a great job
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Post by moo on Feb 4, 2014 7:19:28 GMT
Hiya sad your poor rainbow hasn't been properly prepared.... Poor her & you... {{hugs}}
As nmt says it is good tho that she is naming toys after f/c... She is trying to process... Littlies & germs.... Sniffles aplenty I am afraid.... Dose yourself up on echinacea for resilience & energy.... As others have said germs promote bonding rainbow will prolly want lots of cuddles from mummy....
Tuff being a singlie as I well know but it does have its advantages especially for bonding & boundary setting....
So glad you have posted... Please keep us updated..... Hugs to you & rainbow.... {{{}}}
Xx. moo. xx
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Post by nomoretears on Feb 4, 2014 13:52:44 GMT
Toko, feel free to copy my post - I've taken lots of ideas from this board so I'm pleased to be able to give something back!
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Post by lolapola on Feb 4, 2014 22:19:22 GMT
Hi Flowery Wellies,
For books, you could try 'We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families' by Todd Parr. It has lovely big, bold illustrations and very simple repetitive text along the lines of ... You needed lots of cuddles and I had lots of cuddles to give etc.
Hope this helps and good luck, sounds like you're doing a great job.
Lolapola x
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Post by gilreth on Feb 5, 2014 18:20:45 GMT
We've used We Belong Together with Sqk who is a similar age. However we did have a fantastic FC who prepared him well which has made a real difference.
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Post by sivier on Feb 5, 2014 20:34:06 GMT
flowerywellies - that sounds very tough re the FC and lack of preparation for LO, also I really hope they weren't doing all that crying in front of her.
It is a hard age for processing things. Our LO's FC was wonderful, did some home made books with sort of hide and seek stories, locating FC family members then finding new mummy and daddy - with little photos of us. She did this about a week or so before intros started and I sincerely believe it helped LO prepare even a tiny bit about meeting us and that change was going to happen. They were just very simple figure drawings with photos of our faces on the figures. Would doing a very basic little book about family like this help your LO?
Also on the family thing - our AD was, and still is, slower to warm to women than men in terms of the family. Uncle and grandad she was quite interested in, my sister and mum had to work much harder to be accepted (as did I over DH). In fact both mum and sister let her come to them which over time, she did. Not sure whether this would apply in your case, but if your LO has lost mainly female primary carers before coming to you, she might in general be more wary or reserved around 'new' women she meets? Just a thought.
I can imagine you are exhausted but sounds as though you are doing brilliantly!
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Post by peartree on Feb 6, 2014 9:50:45 GMT
O my life that FC situation sounds like a nightmare
I do think that the sw involved should have a chat with FC
Can she at the least send a card wishing rainbow well?
Just think- that's very important in years ahead.
Glad things are settling
She will be controlling
She keeps loosing everything
Who wouldn't be controlling if they kept loosing things/ people/ smells/ tastes/sights/ toys/ thoughts
Think tiny tiny baby
Keep those vanilla / sandalwood plug ins going (they are the most evocative of nurturing security feelings I understand)
You are doing great :-)
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