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Post by aprilshowers on Jan 21, 2014 17:36:42 GMT
Both girls in court for the outburst before Christmas, this outburst resulted in me having to us a walking stick over the holidays and hubby with ringing in ears for three days and a nasty bruised side. they after receiving free legal representation pleaded not guilty so we now have to go to court and give evidence against our daughters. there are no impartial independent witnesses so it will be their word against ours......never thought I would be here. Sad/angry/frustrated....what on earth will happen and how do we get back to some semblance of family after this.
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Post by jollymummy on Jan 21, 2014 17:42:14 GMT
Presume when the police came they took statements and it was apparent that you and hubby were injured and the girls were not? It is such an ordeal, isn't it? And it certainly is not going to help your relationship if you have to argue in court against them. But you really have no choice as otherwise they will feel like they can get away with anything. I hope, at least, that it does not take too long to get to court. xx
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Post by moo on Jan 21, 2014 18:22:00 GMT
Hugs hugs & more hugs for you April & dh....
So sad for you such a bonkers situation.... Agree with everything jollymummy says.....
I truly believe the world has gone stark staring Mad.....
Hope you can overcome this.
{{{}}}
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by daffin on Jan 21, 2014 18:22:11 GMT
What an awful situation. Poor you. Thinking of you and DH
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Post by shadow on Jan 21, 2014 18:34:28 GMT
there must be years of reports in various SS/CAMHS depts. etc about your girls behaviour towards you and others - what I imagine needs to be brought to court is how the services have repeatedly let you all down ending up with this situation which could have been predicted without proper therapy
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Post by shadow on Jan 21, 2014 18:34:59 GMT
PS masses of hugs - you must be devastated
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Post by serrakunda on Jan 21, 2014 19:05:32 GMT
(((((((April))))))
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Post by ham on Jan 22, 2014 10:20:20 GMT
hugs april sadly they have made their choices and next time you both could be even more hurt. just maybe they can access more help for their problems gong down this route.. you have always been there for them and although difficult maybe you can affirm to them it is hard for you to do this but it might help them in the long run. hope that makes sense as my brain all over the place.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Jan 22, 2014 10:23:03 GMT
So tough for you. I think that I agree with Shadow. I wonder if they're banking on you not going through with it?
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Post by sooz on Jan 22, 2014 14:51:31 GMT
Big hugs coming your way.
you have been called to court. In court you tell the truth, just state the facts as it happened. The law has requested you do this.
It's not you against them it's just standing up and telling the truth. Honestly.
If you were going to court to make up or deny events ( as they are doing) it would be you against them.
This, is just telling the truth. The courts then decide any action.
I cannot begin to imagine how hard this must be, they are obviously too scared to tell the truth. Show them it's important.
Xxxx
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Post by milly on Jan 22, 2014 20:16:36 GMT
I don't usually comment on your threads as I have no relevant experience to offer, but have read about what has been happening with you. It is a truly awful situation but I do think you probably just need to run with it - it is right and proper that your girls face the consequences of their actions, and maybe it will do some good somewhere along the line for them to see you have stood up for what is right. I am not clear if you can back out anyway, but FWIW I don't think it would be the right thing to do.
Many hugs
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2014 20:27:08 GMT
I agree with the others April.
Hard as it might be, I think you have got to go through with it. If you don't and you back down, what message does that give to your girls, that they can do this to their own parents and get away with it with no consequences.
Whatever the outcome, they need to know that what they have done is unacceptable and if they get away with it, what's to stop them doing it again in the future.
Hugs to you, it is never easy is it?
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 75
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Post by enid on Jan 22, 2014 20:42:05 GMT
Hi. My friend took her daughter to court, her birth daughter not an adoption related thing at all, she was 16 at the time, and friend persued it and went to court, daughter was in a care home under S20 for nearly a year. took them a year or so after to get back on track, but alls well now, daughter happily married 21 now.
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flowerpot
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 34
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Post by flowerpot on Jan 22, 2014 22:37:03 GMT
Aprilshowers, this is so hard to read. My heart goes out to you.
I really don't know what I would do. To have been physically hurt so badly, alongside all the emotional turmoil that you have suffered for such a long time must be almost unbearable. To know what is the best solution for your daughters, I really don't know. The pain cuts so deep.
But to me, it seems that you must do what is right for you, what feels right to you and your husband.
I hope you can enjoy the delicious comfort of a soft chair, the rich smell of coffee and a huge hug from your DH tomorrow morning. And rest ...
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Post by kizim on Jan 23, 2014 8:48:01 GMT
Ä° have been thinking and thinking what Ä° would do in this situation...ultmately only you and your DH can decide - or maybe you have no choice either? - but you have to consider not just this latest series of events but all the other incidents along the way that brought you to this point. Ä° know Ä° do not have your resilience and think Ä° would have given up long before it reached this point.
Maybe this awful situation can be utilised to make SS and your daughters take responsibility...because you seem to have carried that burder far too long.
((((hugs))))
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Post by sivier on Jan 23, 2014 9:04:11 GMT
(((aprilshowers))) - what an impossible position you are in. Wishing you ongoing strength in whatever you decide. You are amazing.
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Post by peartree on Jan 23, 2014 23:06:32 GMT
April you and dear mr grumps xx What a rubbish time But look, the girls made their choices You're very good because despite everything you're still upholding the values of honesty integrity and generosity of spirit that radiate from your home We do care x
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Post by aprilshowers on Jan 24, 2014 9:47:45 GMT
Thank you my friends, as Mrs Jellies would say...what will be will be. The thing is we are not pressing charges, due to zero tolerance on domestic violence and the age changes for the charge of domestic violence, the decision to charge both girls came from the CPS, we will go as witnesses with the CS backing us, the court will be a closed Youth court, we will not see the girls, so at least there is not going to be the questions back and forth in front of them. After speaking to the witness service we are feeling a bit calmer about our day in court, but it is a sad time, and the girls are still all over the place, middly kicking off in college still despite being on trial, and littly feeling the losses of being so far from anyone, neither have tried to contact us, we have asked again for a meet up but they are adamant that they want space from us, so that is how it will be, littly is back in court next week on criminal damage charge at school, as yet she is still not in school but referals are in. Just doing what we can when we can, the house seems so empty but we are keeping busy and are getting solid support from family friends and our cyber buddies. Will treat myself to a large latte and blueberry muffin...might even have two muffins to keep my strength up. Again many thanks.
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Post by jellies on Jan 24, 2014 10:33:47 GMT
((((((Aprilshowers and Mr Aprilshowers)))))))
What will be will be - but I soooooooo wish it would have been different for you my dear friend. Having a good old sob for you all - woe be tide anyone annoying me at asda in a minute -
Jellies xxxxxx
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Post by larsti on Jan 24, 2014 12:46:37 GMT
Sending love to you both Larsti x
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sunnysky
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by sunnysky on Jan 27, 2014 15:42:42 GMT
you will cope with this because you are strong and resilient and all those things that us adopters have to be. Lesser mortals would collapse under the pressure but we have no choice do we? While we cope on the outside our hearts are breaking on the inside. I know how you feel. My son assaulted his dad. We had a choice about having him charged but didn't want to. I am not sure we made the right choice. I think it is easier actually that you have no choice as you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. In my opinion at least the girls will see this behaviour is not tolerated by the authorities. My son still makes excuses for his behaviour and blames everyone but himself. Stay strong. You will get through this. I am thinking of you as it is an intolerable situation to be in and I totally understand xxx
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Post by moo on Jan 27, 2014 18:27:05 GMT
Hugs April & dh {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}
You are both amazing.... My thoughts are with you ....
Xx. moo. Xx
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