You're right choti.It does depend on the child/ren, adopters and other factors---distance etc. Personally, we value a get together about 6 weeks after the move---our LAs prefered arrangement, then led by adopters. The very least that we hope for is communication at Christmas, with perhaps a photo and brief news of LO. If we are lucky, and we often are, we will have news/contact a couple of times a year. To be honest, because we have been 'moving children on' for a good few years, (over 20 to adoption) we really can't keep up with remembering their birthdays,but the Christmas greetings are lovingly sent. Three years ago we celebrated 'special' birthdays, and put on a giant tea party for all our Adoptive families, and all but two came. It was the most brilliant time, and lovely for some of the Adopters to meet the other children who had been with us during Intros, and meet their new families.
For us, the important thing is for the Adopters to feel that we are always here for them if they need us---want to see us, that we dearly loved their children, and wish them the very best for the future.
I want to move in and make sure everyone is happy!! seriously though a lot depends on the child. generally a few texts/emails/photos in the first few months and then a couple of times a year. face to face contact has only happened with two, might be three if little mans pans out as they have said it would but i'll believe it when it happens as I've been disappointined too many times in the past by promises made and then not kept. I tend to send birthday cards and a small pressie and then a chirstmas card but no pressie and its nice to get a card/photo in return. only one I have had nothing at all from is the bbs, and she's still in foster care (with carers who work for the same agency as me) so no chance of ongoing contact once shes adopted by them is my guess as they haven't even abided by a senior management directive that they must send updates and photos to me while she's looked after, but I still send her the same as I would the others (am hoping a letter box agreement will be put in place there despite their reluctance and at least then if its not done they'll have to answer her why they haven't in years to come). one family sends regular updates and photos, every couple of months which is nice.
to be honest when I am happy with the placement any amount of contact is great, whether a little bit or a lot of it, whether letterbox or face to face or both, it about keeping those lines of communication open in case they are needed later and for older children its about understanding that while the relationship has changed its not ended.
and my absolute main thing that I want is honesty. for adopters not to promise anything they are not willing to actually do as I have had in the past. I can live with very limited contact, and even with none, but what leaves a sour taste tho is to be promised much and then be given nothing once the child is gone.
foster carer for babies and toddlers, and also an adoptive parent.
Thank you for this, I just wanted to check I was doing the right thing by our lovely fcs. We see them around 4 times a year abd it's usually me who suggests it might be time for another meet up, I didn't want to feel that I was pressuring them to keep driving an hour is so to meet up, but with our first set I feel if I haven't suggested it they wouldn't for worry they were pressuring us. Maybe this time I should say to them if they feel it's been awhile please do suggest meeting because it will be because I'm all caught up in day to say life, not that we don't want to. The last time we met we went to fcs house and squirrel marched in abd said "I used to live here didn't I, when I was a baby?" abd fc had another tiny girl baby so squirrel could see how she was looked after abd loved, it was really lovely. Facebook isn't a bad idea, buried v deep within my profile is a secret group were I can send pictures of the children to very select mostly overseas relatives, I'd be v happy to add fc to this do they could see ones growing up on between visits Thank you
Mummy to DD Squirrel Monkey (9), DD Howler Monkey (8), DS Curious George (7), DS Silverback (not quite 1)
I'd love to be Facebook friends as its often too far to meet up in person, but don't know how to do secret groups or anything.
The one thing that upsets me most is when adopters promise they'll keep in touch then don't. If they don't want contact I'm fine with that but need to know, rather than being told they'll keep in touch and hearing nothing.
Chotimonkey you might be right about your FC feeling they were pressurising you - I'd never initiate contact with adopters for fear of them thinking I was intruding. (I don't count sending birthday or Christmas cards as initiating contact though, as I do that without a second thought)
Post by esty (archive) on Jan 24, 2014 23:50:34 GMT
Interesting topic. We've met up with FC and grandchildren a couple of times. However the meetings have all been initiated by me. The last time I said, as Choti did, life takes over sometimes so I'm very happy for FC to initiate contact. They never have although did send Christmas card as we did. Am I missing something? I will initiate contact again but not sure whether I should be reading this as a hint?
Mum to AS Big Fish (15) and AS Little Minnow (10) and now a new horse who will let me escape from kids with attitude and the drudgery of disability services!
As a FC I really do want the Adopters to initiate contact, even if they say---as you have esty, that they would be happy for me to do so. I would feel that I was imposing, especially as I don't know if it is a good time for them at that moment. Me/ I'm around all the time, but I would hate then to feel that I was forcing them. I must say, we are on good terms with almost all our adopters, but I still don't like to be the one to instigate contact---though always make it clear that we are ready to meet.
Great thread Chotimonkey. Although at the moment this is a long way off for us as we aren't even linked at the moment it is something that I have been thinking about. I guess initially there may be a lot of contact needed as after all FC will know LO better than us and in the long term I thought that it would be nice for them to know how LO is getting on. X x
Mum to SD Lollipop (23), AS Babybug (5) came home in April 2015 and AD Little Ladybug (1) came home July 2019. 4 cats!
the reality is ladybug, that even though some of the literature says a lot of contact may be needed post placement and within a couple of weeks that actually this rarely, if ever, happens. our LA say not before 6 weeks, with the child anyway, and most of our sw's would go with 12 weeks if they advocate it all, which on the whole my LA do not (I believe them to be very shortsighted in this and in a number of other regards). but texts/emails with the fc can be as often as you want if the fc is up for it, sadly its never the other way round. I have found my out of county placements far more willing to stay in touch and allow visits, none of my in county placements have lived up to their promises of face to face contact and two didn't live up to their promises of photos and emails either, with the third looking like going that way too. best advice I can give to any adopter is to please not to make promises you might not keep, though I fail to see how hard it is to keep them, particularly the photos and emails, how hard is that? but am facing a LAD today and no doubt discussions around this that I will believe at the time but will live in dread wont be kept further down the line. (dread is probably too storng a word, but couldn't think of a similar meaning with less strength to it!)
foster carer for babies and toddlers, and also an adoptive parent.
I think it may depend on the age of the child, and what role the child sees the FC had or has I their life. Our oldest has converted his last foster carer to an " auntie" whom he seem every year as was with her for several years and had a strong bond with her. On the other hand the younger boy was with three foster carers in a year and a half. He knew these were temporary placements on the way to adoption so he did not invest much emotionally on them.
Mum to AS, Emperor (18) & AS, King (12), (10 & almost 7 at placement). Married to DH, Rockhopper.