|
Post by moo on Jul 19, 2014 8:05:33 GMT
I think you are coping sooo well....
Like you I only really wanted 2.... It was instinctive & I firmly believe that if I had taken on a singlie I may have regretted it!?
But my age was against me & I wouldn't really have been able to go back later / again for an unrelated sib.... I felt best able to offer the best for sibs aged 18 months to three years.... So I am with you on age.... I am sure you will get the mix & age that you crave.... Sorry it is soo tuff.... But I genuinely found the tuffness of the wait made me more & more committed & determined.... Hope it has the same effect on you xx
The end result was perfection itself exact age & gender I had long dreamed of.... As I tell baa & skweek regularly " all my hopes & dreams came true "xxxx
Good Luck.... Thinking of you....
x. moo. Xx
|
|
|
Post by nomoretears on Jul 19, 2014 10:03:18 GMT
Hi Ladybug, the siblings you have been looking at sound a lot like my current two! Ages are slightly different, but not by far.
I'd be most worried about the 10 month old - lots of unknowns and at 10 months s/he will have been affected but unable to communicate or work through issues.
The youngest of mine is incredibly violent - to an extent I've never seen before. They've been with me 6 months now and new issues are coming out daily. I'd be asking how long they've been with FC and how long they were at home. Even if youngest didn't "witness" any DV they're still likely to have been exposed to it In Utero.
Not wanting to put you off, just issues to think through.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 22, 2014 22:23:37 GMT
We've had no more news or any update on the baby that was mentioned. We have a visit from our SW next Wednesday, it'll be her last day on placement. She'll be coming with her supervisor who will be taking over and also the FF SW for the blue and pink sibs to give us a bit more info on them but it has been stressed it is not a selection visit. They may bring photos but will have to get permission as they only have ICOs with final court date mid August. They are looking to have selection visits either the week of the court date or the following week!
X x x Ladybug x x X
|
|
|
Post by scaredycats on Jul 22, 2014 22:27:54 GMT
Oh, LB, really feel for you :-( The waiting is awful. Glad that SW + Supervisor + LO's SW coming next week :-) Sending hugs xx
|
|
|
Post by moo on Jul 23, 2014 6:27:33 GMT
Hugs to you ladybug.....
Next week sounds cool & exciting.... I am sure I need not tell you what brilliant news this meeting is.... I know they are keeping it low key..... But just remember it takes a lot to get that many diaries organised & together Plus s/w like to be able to demonstrate to the court that they have "options " in place ie.potential parents in waiting.... They like to appear organised & child centred!!!! Iykwim......
Just be yourselves make sure you let them know if you are keen.... But hold yourselves back a tad ( try not to dwell on the bonkers comment from before.... That evil s/w was simply making excuses for her own shortcomings..... ) s/w do need to know you are keen & have considered histories & issues.. Big big hugs.... Everything's crossed..... Looking forward to your updates.....
xx. moo. Xx
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 23, 2014 12:01:57 GMT
Finally got some feedback from the child appreciation day we went to 2 weeks ago!
What a load of old bull if you ask me.
We focused too much on the positives and not the complex needs of the girls - our SW said how could they focus on the complex needs when they weren't given that info?
Spoke too much about birth child - we only spoke about her when they asked a question about her!!
Our SW had to chase for the feedback and it came from SW manager and not her!!
SW has complained saying that she felt that we weren't ever going to be chosen right from the selection visit and we have been told to complain too.
Girls SW also said there was a stronger match yet when our SW asked she was told that there was another family in the background yet the girls profile is back being advertised!!
Go figure!
|
|
|
Post by flutterby on Jul 23, 2014 12:13:02 GMT
Well, certainly a lot of nonsense.
Trying to put a positive spin on things here, I think you have been lucky not to have been matched, as sad as this is for you.
Can you imagine what it would have been like to have to work with this person? Post adoption support?
Poor girls though, they have missed out on great parents.
Let's hope and pray that someone else will take on their case and find them lovely parents.
|
|
|
Post by chotimonkey on Jul 23, 2014 13:25:20 GMT
oh ladybug that sounds so hard. it is impossible to have any clear picture of what the children's needs maybe without all the relevant information... and you can't not talk about your bc... you wouldn't be a good parent if you didn't.
your lo/ los are out there... stay strong
|
|
|
Post by knight on Jul 23, 2014 17:00:32 GMT
ridiculous.
Are these the sibs that you didn't get CPRs for??!! so yes, how can you possibly have considered their complex needs.
I do think they come up with a token reason because they have an ideal family in mind (who may not even have been found yet). x
|
|
|
Post by moo on Jul 23, 2014 18:28:11 GMT
I'm glad you are seeing how truly bonkers this s/w team are....
These sort of ludicrous answers always seem to float up... They clutch at straws coz they are deluded & can't really find fault at all... But they have to to prove they are seeking out matches & doing the best for the children!!!! I think they are in for big trouble when ff team ask why no match has been found yet....
I'm with flutterby... Pity the poor people who eventually get matched having to work with this numpty xxxx
Hang in this has happened for a reason xxx
xx. moo. Xx
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 24, 2014 6:59:57 GMT
Knight we did get CPRs for the girls, these are the ones that we enquired about on AL way back in April. I wouldn't have said the needs these girls had where complex or at least what was disclosed in the CPRs wasn't, they had mild developmental delay which you probably would expect to be the case with most of our children and possible attachment issues. DH has written a 3 page letter of complaint, he thinks it may be possible that they change their minds, I however don't but even if they do I am not sure that I want to work with them as then we would have a lack of support post adoption and have deal with the silly woman until we got AO!!! Up until this point in the process I have had no issues with SWs but this one...Grrrrrrr! Our in house link looks much more promising at this stage....We are the only ones being considered we were told yesterday by our SW and she said that next Wednesday not only will she be coming along with FF SW but also the children's SW too! This meeting is for us to find out as much info as possible about these children and once we have it she said that WE decide if we want to proceed!
|
|
|
Post by moo on Jul 24, 2014 7:26:38 GMT
Told you This has happened for a reason!??... Sorry this is tuff to read....
It is often the way when decent s/w see one has been bu££ered about they pull out all the stops & find a good/better link pronto....
Everything crossed & ( tied ) till your update on we'd xxxxxx
xx. moo. Xx
|
|
|
Post by chotimonkey on Jul 24, 2014 13:56:14 GMT
I'm with moo... I think the good sw are as incensed by the poor sw as we are and will often go out of there way afterwards to right things for their adopters. V excited about this possible link meeting Got it all crossed too...
|
|
|
Post by knight on Jul 24, 2014 17:53:25 GMT
Ahh right. Such a shame they have to behave that way though as it sounds like they just came up with any excuse. But, sounds extremely promising about the inhouse sib group, everything crossed x
|
|
|
Post by vickyvixen on Jul 26, 2014 14:38:22 GMT
Fingers crossed for Wednesday
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 30, 2014 20:04:38 GMT
Sorry it's so late in the day but after our visit I had to go to work this afternoon so didn't have time to update you all. Well visit went well both FF SW and allocated SW liked us and that was just from our PAR!!! They are concerned that we had a bad experience with the last link and wanted to make sure that they gave us as much info as they possibly could right now so we could make an informed choice about these LOs. Our main concern was behaviour of little boy especially as he has started to show aggression to baby but they said that CFCS do not think he needs any counselling or therapy and that his behaviour will normalise once in a stable loving home with boundaries and attention. FF SW loved the bedroom and especially my book shelves!! I had to tell her the story of the paint on the carpet...! PO should hopefully be granted week of 18th August and then we get some photos. They obviously don't expect our full commitment just yet especially as we haven't seen them but nothing on paper has put us off So if all goes to plan and we still want to proceed after we have seen photos then selection visit is 2nd September, MP 7th October and placement by end of October!!! She did originally say September for placement, getting a bit ahead of herself So all being well we will finally have our LOs in 3 months!!!
|
|
|
Post by knight on Jul 30, 2014 20:37:00 GMT
oh wow ladybug, steam-rolling ahead (well after PO and photos if you're still positive which I'm sure you will be). Everything crossed. You and I could (she says with everything crossed) be going through intros around the same time?? x
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 30, 2014 21:29:09 GMT
All very exciting although trying to be cautious after our previous experience!!
Knight I didn't know you had a possible match...so sorry for not knowing that. Would be fab going through it with someone else.
Good luck my lovely x x
|
|
|
Post by moo on Jul 31, 2014 7:39:59 GMT
Great news ladybug.... So pleased to read your update been thinking about you.!!?
Sounding very positive... 18th just around the corner.... So pleased they are acknowledging the previous debacle....
Make sure your s/w fully explores the issues re boy's anger... It is a 'pat response' for s/w to say " oh just give him a lorra lorra love & Cuddles & all will be well.... " with roses around the door etc!?!? Don't want to be negative But......
So pleased for you that things went well your confidence needs a real boost....
xx. Hugs
xx. moo. Xx
|
|
|
Post by knight on Jul 31, 2014 17:11:01 GMT
Ladybug, you're understandably going to be reticent after what you went through the last time but as Moo said, it's really good that they're seeing the error of other's ways and giving much more info early-doors - it's the way to go and in the best interests of the children for sure x
|
|
|
Post by amberle on Jul 31, 2014 21:43:06 GMT
Hi ladybug, great news just catching up. Sorry not been around often, things have been a little busy my end..lol.
Really good news and sounds positive..xxx
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Jul 31, 2014 22:17:05 GMT
Hi Amberle,
You've been busy?! Can not imagine why. Hope all is going well with you.
Is looking promising but still being cautious what with not having PO yet and our last experience!
X x x Ladybug x x X
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Aug 5, 2014 19:57:50 GMT
DH and I had a meeting today with a lady who runs sure start in our area as our SW recommended we find out some info. Seems a lovely lady, gave us lots of info on the groups they run and also the support they could offer us with various things, one of them being behaviour which if all goes ahead as planned with the 2 LOs could come in handy. Banardos is a good link to have I think.
Our friends from prep training got approved for their match at matching panel today!!! Yay!! 2 months time (with any luck) that will DH and I!
DH has sent in an official complaint to the LA who we were link with the girls through in the hope that they will shake up their process and not let someone else be treated the way that we were. We know it won't change anything and upto a point don't want it to because we feel we would get little or no support but it will give us closure on the whole thing.
Here's looking ahead to 2 weeks time when we will hopefully get the news that PO has been granted and finally get to see photos of our potential LOs!
X x x
|
|
|
Post by scaredycats on Aug 5, 2014 20:10:05 GMT
Roll on week of 18th August! We had to wait until PO was granted before our SW would tell us anything other than our proposed LO's gender! But I was glad, as I was so anxious about it all I didn't want to hear too many details in case there was a delay. Really hope things go smoothly for you from now on. SC
|
|
|
Post by scaredycats on Aug 5, 2014 20:12:56 GMT
Also be prepared to wait a few days after the PO is granted to hear/ receive stuff as, in our case, the "paperwork" took a little while to go through and our SW contacted us the week after.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Aug 5, 2014 22:53:00 GMT
They said the case would be between 4 and 5 days so know that we won't hear anything until at least the end of the week but think they will let us know ASAP as they are very conscious of what happened last time and want to ensure they keep us as up to date as possible. X x
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Aug 17, 2014 18:36:53 GMT
So tomorrow, 18th August, is the first day in court to (hopefully) get PO granted. Hoping we might some photos sent over tomorrow but not sure of that.
|
|
|
Post by knight on Aug 17, 2014 20:29:32 GMT
Let's hope the SW keeps you updated if it is going on into several days and then, you can get more info. Good luck x
|
|
|
Post by amberle on Aug 20, 2014 5:09:52 GMT
Good luck, lets hope all goes through quickly and some photos appear soon xx
|
|
|
Post by moo on Aug 20, 2014 5:52:27 GMT
Hang in ladybug xxx sending you luck & patience.... Thinking of you again today xx
xx. moo. Xx
|
|